Douchebaggery

Passive-Aggressive Bowel Movements

Because leaving cutesy sarcastic love notes under the windshield wiper of cars blocking your driveway is played out, one 17th Street combination car/dog owner is getting innovative: dumping a translucent blue bag full of crap under the wiper to ferment in the hot summer sun.

(Thanks Amanda?)

Horrible Person Steals Puppy From SF SPCA

Following this summer's rash of sidewalk and park dog thefts, someone has decided to go right to the source of our beloved pets and help themselves.  The SPCA fills us in:

Violet, a 10-week-old puppy, was stolen from the San Francisco SPCA's Adoption Center at approximately 2:00 pm on Tuesday, October 16th. The SF SPCA’s staff members are very concerned for her well-being.

Violet is a brown and white terrier mix puppy. She has not yet received all of the vaccines necessary to be protected from fatal diseases such as parvo and rabies. Until she is old enough to complete the vaccine series she should not be allowed to walk on the ground, which is where the parvo virus can live, or socialize with unvaccinated dogs.

Recently Violet was transferred to the SF SPCA from San Francisco Animal Care & Control. SF ACC staff members found her abandoned in a garbage can and brought her to the shelter.

Violet was spayed two days ago, on October 14th, and needs to be closely monitored in case complications arise from her surgery. Violet's microchip number is 982000197006884. She weighs approximately 7 pounds.

…The SF SPCA is offering a $500 reward for Violet's safe return. We urge anyone with information to call the SF SPCA at (415) 522-3507.

Another Staple Mission Dive Ditches PBR, Cheap Beer

Following the lead of fellow Mission bars Pop's and Blind Cat, Uptown has ditched cheap beer—presumably in hopes of cleaning up the neighborhood's “scummiest dive”.  While trying to order a $2 PBR a few days ago, the bartender informed this needlessly sober customer that “we don't serve that beer anymore” and the cheapest bar on the menu was Tecate for jacked up price of $2.75.  No reason was given.

This is absolutely horrible news.  Not only will it cost me an extra 75¢ so my PBR can come in a fancy red can, but this could very well mean that the Uptown is no longer keen on barely-legal, marker-wielding clientele which the bar is known for.

Back in March, we learned that Mission dives were ditching PBR and cheap beer to reduce vandalism.  It seems, according to bartenders and managers at Blind Cat and Pop's, that dropping affordable brew gets rid of “all the problem kids that ruin the [bars].”  And, sure, it makes sense why a bar would want to get rid of taggers and other such degens who probably cost the bar money.  But it also has this nasty side effect of making drinking more expensive for everyone else.

Besides, does this mean no more bro-on-ladybro fighting?  Or asstowel-less butt-on-chair contact?  The crowd was always part of the magic of the Uptown.  Without it, isn't it just another bar serving perfectly fine $4 local beer on a street lined with prostitutes?

Nerds Gone Wild: The Day San Francisco Died

On Monday, November 5th at 10pm, Bravo TV will murder the last remaining scraps of San Francisco's economic engine's dignity.  No, really:

Although the show is called “Start-Ups: Silicon Valley”, much of it was filmed right here in SOMA and the Mission (update: and The Shore House was in Upper Castro)!  Not only is there a hot scene filmed at Mission Cliffs, we're told the Toga Party was filmed near 26th and Guerrero.  The apartment's tenant, who understandably wishes to remain anonymous, tells us his “friend from college” called him up the day of the party and asked if he could “bring his camera crew.”  The guests then proceeded to found a pop-up bed sheet-sharing service and 'disrupt' the market for red Solo cups (via going blue cup).

Anyway, the trailer is full of typical brogrammer arrogance and braggadocio that has come to define the tech industry.  With gems like “I'd say I'm living paycheck to paycheck, but I don't have a paycheck!” followed by “If you're not aiming for something a billion dollars or higher, why waste your time?”, mixed in with the typical “I never thought I'd ever get here!” (because you didn't think you could afford the rent?) flare, this show is destine to make our Mondays even more depressing than they already are.

Update: Since some people are questioning our “insider knowledge” about the party, we verified that the party's host is, at least, Facebook friends with Toga-wearing Silicon Valley “star” Dwight Crow.  We also spoke with mutual friends of the host that vouched for him.

Confessions of an Airbnb Host

I know a few essentially unemployed, all-but-officially-moved-in-with-their-boyfriend/girlfriend folks who make their pizza and liquor money by renting out their apartment on Airbnb.  Most acknowledge that it's legally sketchy—and probably violating their lease—but generally avoid putting the blame for the city's rising rents on themselves.

Fortunately, The Billfold got a hold of someone more blunt:

Logan: You said you’re not breaking any laws, but you don’t want me to use your real name.

Anon: Ehhhhhhh, yeah, probably not. Just because of the landlords getting wind. I’d like to keep as low a profile as possible. You know, AirBnB is the biggest thing in SF driving up housing prices. People are taking 2 bedrooms off the market renting them out to foreigners or travelers instead of having a full time resident in there. So there are fewer places to live. They say getting an apt in SF now is harder than getting a job. It’s SO competitive to find a place worth living in. People aren’t moving

Logan: That makes sense, but what are you basing it on?

Anon: It’s just a fact. Everyone talks about it. Here, look at this: “‘Many landlords decided they would be able to make more money by renting (their properties) as tourist space,’ said Ted Gullicksen, president of the San Francisco Tenants’ Union, which promotes renters’ rights. ‘We’re seeing a big loss of rental housing stock, which we’re already losing through other means. This is added pressure.’” That’s from The San Francisco Chronicle.

Logan: Well then, you’re contributing to that problem.

Anon: I guess, but I’m okay with it. It’s making it a wealthier city. Richer people mean more taxes, mean better resources. So what’s so wrong with building up a strong economy in SF? So artists can’t live downtown? What’s so wrong with that? There are places I’ll never be able to afford either, but I’m not complaining. I don’t get why this is such a big deal.

I'm not completely sure about the whole “richer people means more taxes” bit, especially considering the Mayor went out of his way in attempting to block taxing Airbnb hosts (all because a major campaign donor happened to invest in the company), but yeah, fuck artists!  And Big Bird too!

[The Billfold]

Man Tries to Clean Up Mid-Market By Hosing Down Elderly Chinese Women

In a throwback to the tactics of 1960s Southern cops, a man guarding a Mid-Market donut shop has taken to spraying down elderly women in an attempt to clean up the neighborhood's sketchiness.  Jonathan Powers was on the scene:

This morning at 7th and Market Street the security guard at Donut World / John's Burgers was hosing down 70+ year old Chinese women with cold water. It was cool and foggy out , they were no longer in front of the shop and packing up.

When a gentleman passing buy told him he was out of line, he said, ” I don't want them here and you need to mind your own business” then proceeded to threatened the man with multiple forms of physical violence and even trying to bait him into a fight.

Sure it gets annoying seeing these women selling food they get free from the local food banks BUT I don't see apple juice, canned carrots, and marshmallows as a mainstay of the traditional Chinese diet and perhaps they sell these items to buy food that is actually useful to them.

Regardless of why, it is completely wrong to spray old women with ice water just because you decide you do not want them there.

X-ray Vision Shows You the Rotten Insides of the Hobo Party Bus

Ever want to know how to party like a hobo?  Using the power to magic, the Hobo Party Bus (warning: website may cause Geocities flashbacks) gives tailgating drivers a glimpse into the high-rolling lifestyle of living on the streets.  Much to this author's surprise, the bus isn't covered in a weird assortment of trash, nor is it powered by a bounty of scavenged cans and stolen bike seats—it's actually a velvety neon-lit nightmare that prowls our streets in search of people who always wanted a stripper pole in the middle Muni.

The Most Important Tag a Bathroom on 22nd Has Ever Seen

I spotted this Most Important Tag in the Latin American Club bathroom last night, suggesting it could mean one of two things:

  1. A reference to Louis C.K.'s bit about sucking a bag of dicks, encouraging me to suck this almost certainly cootie-infested spot on the wall.
  2. A botched depiction of “dickbags”.  Perhaps it's about the weekend clientele at the establishment?  Perhaps it's about me?

Anyway, this made me giggle and hold up the bathroom line while I took this very picture.

SFPD Cruiser Ticketed For Parking in the Bike Lane

That's what I looks like, right?  This officer's cruiser, notorious for parking in this same spot along the Market Street bike lane almost daily, has been finally dealt some justice for abusing privledge?

Turns out the officer is just covering his ass—placing a false ticket on the windshield hoping that DPW won't actually ticket him (and so cyclists won't bash his windshield in).  Timothy Mendez knows his trick, “That dude puts it there himself. Keeps it up in the visor.”

At least he knows he's breaking the law?

[via Aaron Durand]

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