Douchebaggery

Mission Beach Cafe Not Paying Their Employees?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Days after the neighborhood was rocked by news that Mission Beach Cafe's compostable forks have tendency to break, we couldn't help but notice reports that they had shut down “until further notice.”  Oddly, their pastry case was full and presumably safe for affluent human consumption, and it seems really unlikely that anyone would close a restaurant on account of defective greenwave.

So what was really behind the closure?  They told Eater that it was because of a “gas leak”, which strikes us as made up, given the lack of Twitter freak-out and the fact they couldn't pin down a reopening date.  And there are two neighbors claiming on Twitter that the staff “walked out” because “they didn't get paid.”

It's curious that a popular restaurant with near-constant lines out the door and $15 huevos rancheros on the menu would be struggling to pay their kitchen staff (or, worse, deliberately not doing so).  Then again, it's all a rumor.

For now, they're back open—their gas leak is 'fixed'.  We'll update if we hear more.

[Photo by dvtdl?]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

The Crippling Disappointment of a Broken Fork

— By Alissa |

This really cuts me to my core

Our pals over at Mission Mission posted this picture of a broken fork last week and we thought it was just too upsetting not to share. We felt the need to repost this for a couple of reasons. First of all, Mission Beach Cafe is goddamn delicious, so we can only imagine the crushing disappointment of a fork breaking mid-meal. Just imagine it - one minute you're standing there shoveling food into your maw and then the next minute, SNAP! Your flimsy environmentally-friendly potato fork has done gone broken in half. What trauma! What grief! How do you even proceed? Look how runny those delicious breakfast eggs are. You can't very well pick up runny yolks with your hands and eat them. You're not an animal! I guess you could try to find another fork, but who even has time for that business when your hot delicious breakfast is cooling before your very eyes? Besides, a metal fork would probably poke straight through the bottom of your yolk-soaked container. And a knife? Forget it. 

We hesitated to reach out to your Mission Mission authors for fear of renewing the trauma of a broken fork. It must be hard enough to get over something like that to begin with, without a bunch of bloggers calling you for comment. In any case, we thank Mission Mission for bringing this critical neighborhood news to our attention. View the harrowing details of the original post here. 

Zipcar's Bold Stand On Bike Parking

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

When it was announced last month that Avis was buying Zipcar for half an Instagram, I couldn't help but (briefly) wonder what their contribution to the ride-sharing service would be.  Now we have a little bit of a hint: a nice, light sprinkling of “no bike parking” signage around the Mission!

While it instinctively seems 'pretty fucking dick' to be down on bikes in one of the most bike-friendly neighborhoods in a remarkably bike-friendly city, it does make pretty sound marketing sense.  After all, it's pretty rude to remind their customer's that their business will be obsolete once we run out of oil.  Or something.

[Photo by Zaius]

Future Mugging Victim Cruises Capp Street With Google Glasses, Bluetooth, and iPhone

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Earlier today, this hyper-connected cyborg cruised up and down Capp Street wearing Google Glasses, a bluetooth, and holding an iPhone, frequently jumping off the sidewalk and walking down the middle of the street (pictured above).  One can only assume this human trifecta of douchebaggery was field testing the hardware, but the choice of location seemed particularly poor.  I guess his Google Glasses don't have a crime statistics overlay for his heads up display map.

Badass Freedom Van Owner Actually Sleazy Pick-Up Artist That Harasses Women On OkCupid

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

We've been fans of the Pedobear/R.I.P 2pac/Freedom Van that parks around Cesar Chavez for quiet some time, and recently other neighborhood notables picked up on it and give it more deserved praise.  But today we learn—much to our dismay—that the rando behind the wheel of our neighborhood's most idiosyncratic vehicle is actually Jeff “Jeffy” Allen, a professional pick-up instructor who harasses local women on OkCupid.  Katie J.M. Baker of Jezebel got to the bottom of it:

Last August, Amanda, a 26-year old Marketing Manager for a software company based in San Francisco, received an message on OKCupid from Captain_Derp. His initial missive was obnoxiously twee — “Um. Hi. Anyways, I feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of enhancing your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness kthxbai” — but she was curious about a photo on his profile, captioned: “Consensual Sex in the Missionary Position For the Sole Purpose of Reproduction Van. I painted it myself.” […]

Captain_Derp asked her to meet him at a tapas bar, but the night before their date she had a change of heart, and messaged him to say as much. In response, he wrote, “Why am I not surprised. Eat a bag of dicks” and “Also, I guarantee your date with me would be far more horrifying than these last two amateurs you went out with. I drive a fucking RAPE VAN. Ps you're fat.” Lovely. [Read on]

Not only that, but the stencils of people on the back isn't some sort of hilarious joke “people I've hit” body count, but actually a boastful running tally of women he's given STDs to:

Should we be giving someone the attention they crave simply for being a chauvinist?  No.  But considering we've sung his praises before, letting this slide is just too much.

[Jezebel]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

OkCupid Launches IRL Happy Hours For People Who Hate Having Sex With Internet Randoms

— By Tiffany Bukowski |

Oh god. It's happening. OkCupid is tip-toeing into the realm of IRL - excuse me, “Away from Keyboard”, for you alpha nerds. Now, instead of trying to game your profile, go meet some 6s in-person and try to woo them with your sparkling cocktail conversation.

Just to crank the notch on pretentiousness, they've found a way to collaborate with the international tweed-conglomerate, Banana Republic. At least there will be vodka involved. So if you want to drown your singledom sorrows while meandering through mannequins draped in gingham, you can sign up with a relatively complete OkC profile, $5 (that's what the fee was for yours truly, please let us know in the comments if this price is individually skewed), and a panache for awkward self-deprecation. 

Conveniently scheduled before everyone's favorite low-expectation holiday, you can learn about the types of people attending (8 so far!) by the expertly gathered provided attendee data, like how often they meditate (80%, rarely and 20%, never) and the fact that 100% of them spend more money on food than clothes (unfortunate venue then, huh?). 

Don't even get us started on that event photograph. Feels like there was a stock image search with the keywords “uncomfortable social gathering” + “diverse twenty-somethings”. 

Whatever. See you there, sadfaces.  

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Mayor Lee Asks Mission Bars to Not Serve 'Heavy' Booze During Super Bowl

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In an effort to cut down on the undeniably uncool vandalism that followed the Giants' crushing World Series victory, Mayor Ed Lee is 'going after booze' instead of 'tackling the culture of violence' that surrounds celebratory rioting.  The Chronicle fills us in:

The mayor said [last] Thursday that [this] week he and Police Chief Greg Suhr will tour neighborhoods hit by vandalism after the World Series and during Occupy Wall Street protests last year to offer support to business owners and “also to suggest that they serve something (other) than heavy alcohol during times of celebration, because that inebriation sometimes doesn’t help with people who want to maybe go beyond the bounds of acceptability in their celebration.”

In other words, take the booze out of the bro, maybe the bro won't torch your neighbor's compost bin outside of West of Pecos.

However, opt-in from local bars is purely voluntary, suggesting shots will be served well into hour three of Telecopter 4's continuous chaos coverage.  Or, as Adam DeMezza of 16th Street's Giordano Bro's pragmatically told the Chronicle, “it’s a good idea, but it’s going to be a tough sell.”

Tough sell, no doubt.  Considering every bar in the neighborhood will be packed full of folks feverishly drinking away shitty 2 Broke Girls commercials hours before kick-off, these places stand to lose lots of money by cutting-off their supply.  But this is the same strategy used by the city in 2007 when they were looking to dial back the whimsy (and, uhh, shootings) of Castro Halloween, and that effort saw empty streets and all but one bar closed.

Besides, it's good for business:

Lee noted that it was particularly important to keep the celebrations safe and respectful given that the San Francisco 49ers are making a bid to host the 2016 Super Bowl. That game would be played at the team's planned new Santa Clara stadium, however, and not in San Francisco.

So have a sober Sunday, folks. For Santa Clara.

[SFgate/SF Appeal, via KQED]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Dust Off Your Headshot: DijitalFix is Hiring Sales People

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Ever want to break into in the exciting world of retail sales?  Do you aspire to be the talk of the town as you thanklessly hawk dubstep massage chairs to rich people?  Do stores whose elevator pitch are “Sharper Image meets Valencia Street” represent your life's aspirations?

Well, it's time to sex up your headshot, because DijitalFix, Valencia's latest audio boutique, in hiring.

Uptown Almanac reader Samuel, who notes, “this is the dumbest shit help wanted ad ever,” forwards us along their minimum requirements for basically minimum wage employment:

SAN FRANCISCO STORE SEEKING AWESOME STAFF

Now hiring passionate, inspired sales people with specialized interest in music, technology, photography, art + design. We are looking to kick off our dedicated & exclusive staffing with team members who can fit into the aesthetic and concept of the store while adding their own distinctive style. We need sales people who are confidant and great with customers, intelligent and responsive to changing trends in the field, motivated to maintain the look and effectiveness of our unique store, and above all, COOL PEOPLE who are easy to be around and fit in to our team just right.

You must have some expertise in ideally all of the following areas: music + music tech, art + graphic design, photography, gadgets + new technologies.

Since our staff is small, we are looking for someone who will not only be our employee, but also our friend, inspiration, and authority on their own distinctive style. That said, please include answers to the following questions:

1. Favorite record of all time
2. Biggest inspiration in the field of technology
3. Biggest inspiration in the field of photography

In addition to these questions, please include a resume + cover letter, and a photograph of yourself. No applications will be considered without all of these requested assets.

Do you have the distinctive style and requisite cuteness for the job? If so, shoot off your resume/Pinterest profile to jobs@dijitalfix.com.

Good luck!

[Photo by conniepwu]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

AFL-CIO Slaps Phony "Unionmade" Clothing Store With Cease and Desist

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The little dust-up between Unionmade, the pinky finger-raising menswear store a block away from Dolores Park, and pretty much everyone has finally reached critical mass, with the AFL-CIO demanding they change their logo and name.

The fun started two weeks ago when the ever non-union union-trumpeting folks at Gawker, via a reader, discovered Unionmade isn't technically union-made:

There is a store (and website) in San Francisco that calls itself “Unionmade Goods”. As a member of a union household, I was initially excited to learn about the store, as I try to buy union-made goods as much as possible. Unfortunately, when I inquired by email whether the store called Unionmade Goods does in fact sell union-made goods, I was disappointed to learn that the name is merely an “homage to a time in our history when products were crafted with care, quality, longevity, and respect to the people that made them.” The email went on to say “we try to carry products that represent the 'Unionmade' ideals of yesteryear as it is virtually impossible to curate a store entirely of union labor made products.”

While I support the store's effort to 'curate' its inventory with products that are crafted with care, etc., the name of the store seems pretty fraudulent and insulting. “Union made” is not just an “ideal of yesteryear.” There are websites out there that sell goods that were actually made by union members, under the protection of a union contract. See, e.g., http://www.unionlabel.com/. As many workers that you've written about can attest, collective bargaining through a union representative remains an important path to a living wage and basic protections for employees. It's something that many people fight hard for, today.

It's always bummer to find out about a local company that tugs at our collective nostalgia for a time when workers were paid a tolerable salary just so they can sell $190 lumberjack shirts, but that's more-or-less the world we live in today.  However, the lawyers for the AFL-CIO were feeling a bit more concerned, sending the store a strongly-worded letter late last week:

What happens when a company that acknowledges its clothing is not union-made names itself “Unionmade” anyway? Count on union members proud of their reputation for quality work to say, “Give it up.” In a letter Thursday, the AFL-CIO demanded that the apparel company Unionmade—which also has a logo suspiciously like the historic AFL-CIO “handshake” logo—stop its trademark infringement and unfair competition.

The federation told the company to immediately stop using the logo (including not selling items showing it and removing the sign from stores and online sites) and change the store name so it “does not deceive the public into thinking that they are purchasing items that are actually made by union workers….”

It seems that the “trusted” store—as their insignia would lead us to believe—is finding themselves in a holiday pickle.  Change their brand before the union's imposed December 7th deadline, or face the likely wrath of endless lawsuits, picketing workers wearing the very clothes Unionmade yearns to sell, and lots of those giant inflatable rats.

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