Dance

Dancing Robot Has Better Dolores Park DJ Judgment Than Most Humans

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

When I first saw this Beat Robot, I feared he'd be yet another burnout blasting weird electropop dubstep skrill ex-girlfriend stuff.  Wrong!  Not only does he have a sterling finish, but this robot is programmed to listen to Cake! Fuck! I haven't listened to Fashion Nugget in forever.  I think I still have a tape of that pleasantly stupid album somewhere…

Anyway, this rad rockin' robot is both Twitter and Geocities-equiped, should you want to follow this young robot's journey through San Francisco.

Now, your Moment of Zen:

[Photo by Athlex]

What Would You Do to Save The Lusty Lady?

— By Erika Kali |

We heard through the grapevine this morning that the famed Lusty Lady is in distress — their head Madam has quit, as have their entire Board of Directors, leaving them with no real direction or financial aid. Sandy Bottoms, a former member of the board/dancer, blogs about the situation going down:

Over the past few weeks a giant schism has formed within the cooperative regarding the future of our historic and beloved business, which is resulting in a wave of workers, including myself, walking away. I want it to be known that the Lusties leaving the Lady are NOT walking away from it's rich memory of camaraderie and perseverance during cooperization or landmark status of being the only unionized sex work business' within the United States, but simply from a disintegrating system and hostile working environment within a failing business model.

Sources close to the Lusty Lady and their cadre of Lusties say that to stay alive, they need not only some investments (ahem, $$$), but also some legitimate marketing and some new talent. So if you have some loose cash lying around, are good with Adobe Illustrator or hate your job and have always dreamed of getting naked and shaking your booty, please contact them via Facebook, and do what you can to save this one of a kind San Francisco establishment!

**UPDATE** You can donate directly to the Ladies of Lust HERE to help them with their cause.

Photo via Thomas Hawk

[Thanks, Joshua!]

Muni Diaries 4th Blog Bday Means Free Margaritas and Dancing and Other Nonsense Tonight @ Make-Out Room

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The title says all that really matters (free margaritas, hello), but here's the complete low-down:

Get down with your fellow riders and celebrate life on the bus!
*Jam to 90s hip hop courtesy of DJ SMA of DEBASER.
* Free el Jimador margaritas!
* Look sharp and hop into the Orange Photography photo booth.
* Munch on free 4505 Meats chicharrones while supplies last.
* All attendees are entered to win prizes from Good Vibrations and Timbuk2
* The Chairman Bao truck will be parked in front of the Make-Out Room! Can you say pork belly?

Well, that sounds like a fine way to start off Saturday night.  6-9pm @ Make-Out Room.  Happy blog bday, Muni Diaries!

Beauty Bar: "Beware of the Pickpockets"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you're one of the few people with money that goes to Beauty Bar, a new sign screwed to the wall outside the joint warns of red men thieving the contents of purses.  Presumably, SFPD and the Entertainment Commission forced them to hang this after a string of recent thefts, as described by Yelp reviewer (argh) Issy V.:

Overall experience was just fine, although they seem to have a real problem with theft. Their solution was to remove the hooks under the bar counter, needless to say my bag got stolen right from under my feet. Although I was sitting on my stool the whole time. Don't think I'll go back there again.

Never go back? But what about Crazy Hip-Hop Mondays with The Kidz, Issy?

Gaggle of Pink Gorillas Bustin' Moves on Valencia

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Was this some sort of gorilla guerrilla protest against Taqueria el Buen Sabor's meh flavors, or merely a spontaneous pink apeshit dance party?

UPDATE: Ed Casey also caught video of the mob in Union Square, noting:

There was no music and no discernible message… Just a pack of pink gorillas doing some sort of busted ass ring around the rosie. 

[Photo by Dexn and Flexn]

"Hey, Did Someone Order a Dozen Boxes of Whip-Its?"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A few weeks back, I heard rumors that someone was passing out “late-night whip-it delivery service business cards” in Dolores Park.  And here's the proof, curiosity of Boing Boing:

So why punk your friends by ordering a dozen pizzas when you can order a dozen boxes of whip-its?  At worst, they're stuck with a dozen boxes of whip-its.  At best, it turns into a sex fantasy.

[Oh, and be sure to check them out on Facebook, for extra laughs.]

Rare Opportunity To Participate in Hilarious Local TV Trainwreck!

— By Alissa |

Uptown readers, are you familiar with the KOFY show Dance Party? I don’t know if you all spend as much time watching local television broadcasting as I do, but this show is absolutely one of the most mindboggling trainwrecks on TV (and I’m including Real Housewives from ALL cities). See, it’s like an 80's version of MTV’s The Grind, except everyone on it seems to be morbidly obese, incredibly unattractive, or on MDMA of some type. Delusions of grandeur are rampant throughout Dance Party. 

Give it about 25 seconds:

I watched an episode the other night with a 200+ lb woman dressed as a Rubix cube, but unfortunately couldn’t find that clip. You get the idea though. The best part about it is that you really can’t tell if it was filmed recently or 20-25 years ago, which I’m sure was deliberate on the part of whatever crackpot genius dreamt this shit up.

ANYWAY, this show is indeed current and they’re filming season 3 this Saturday. They’re doing three tapings: 11:45 am, 2:00 pm, and 3:45 pm. The noon taping might be a little too early to roll out to Bayview get enough substances in your system to participate to your full abilities. Maybe wait until the 3:45 one since it is not only 80’s themed, but will apparently be an 80’s Pajama Party. Does anyone even know what 80’s pajamas are?  

More info on the Facebook page

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Nobody Likes a Bleeder

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Night Fog Reader recently published a Mission bartender's list of pro-drinking tips.  Most of the tips are pretty obvious, surrounding things that Our Dear Readers would never dream of doing themselves.  However, this cautionary tale from what I gather to be the cocaine sty at Beauty Bar is worth noting:

4. No flip flops in the club
A few weeks ago when I was having a bathroom break and the stall floor was suddenly covered in BLOOD! I threw the door open and see this 21-year-old-looking, head-to-toe-in-American-Apparel, cute art student with flip flops on! What are you even doing in a bar with open foot shoes!? It turns out she stepped on a broken pint glass and sliced her foot. She was soo drunk she couldn’t even feel her cut, and she just wanted to go back to dancing. Alright, no. I took the young child aside, fixed her up and sent her off, but not before I made her pinky promise me that she would only wear closed toe shoes in a bar. Hey, nobody likes a bleeder.

Generally I'd never insult our fashionable readers by implying you need a lesson in dancable footwear, but it appears that some San Franciscans out there think it's a fine idea to dance barefoot, so let's be on the safe side.

[Night Fog Reader]

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