The debate surrounding the commercialization of Dolores Park sure has been heating up lately.  Earlier this week, Stephen Elliot, the man largely responsible for preventing American Apparel from opening up shop on Valencia Street in 2009, took up the cause and launched “Stop the Trailer.”  Stephen easily has the capability to see some success on this issue given his network of businesses and track-record of victory.  He even has devoted himself to undermine Blue Bottle's business by standing in front of their trailer and offering free coffee to all their patrons.

The general campaign against these trailers makes many good points: Dolores Park is already used to its max, the trailers, generators and accompanying lines will be a visual and audible blight and, most importantly, parks are meant to be for leisure, sport and unfettered drinking.

However, Stephen and other neighbor's campaign is being subverted by Chicken John.  He defends his use of the “McDonald's is coming!“ hyperbole in his straw-man petition because it was successful, “time was short and we needed knee-jerk reactions. Which we got.”  He spends his time trying to paint local business Blue Bottle as a corporate monster, but completely ignores that La Cocina will be operating a similar truck, all while parading around Ritual Roaster's trailer on federal land.  Worst of all, Chicken John is a man with previously no visibility on park matters.  Of the half dozen or so community meetings I've been to over the past year, he never once showed his face or rallied his crew of Laughing Squid fanboys.  This guy doesn't care about “Dolores Park's soul;” he is, yet again, merely using this controversy as a tool for self-promotion.

Time is poorly spent defining what types of businesses should be allowed to vend on public land.  More importantly, it's hard to fault Blue Bottle or La Cocina for taking this offer—Rec. & Park truly offered an incredible deal.  As anyone who has ever tried to open a business in San Francisco can tell you, the costs and red tape are outstanding.  One small Valencia St. retail outlet (no food or drink) that I know of spent $60,000 just to open the door and dealt with countless setbacks (ADA compliance, fire etc).  Serving food and drink makes it even more costly.  Yet Blue Bottle has only sunk $25,000 into their venture and La Cocina has reportedly spent $30,000.  To be granted a retail space with access 1.2 million patrons a year for such a staggeringly low start-up cost and, worst, only $1,000/month in rent is what is so disgusting.  As Blue Bottle's James Freeman told 7x7 Magazine, “It was less expensive than building out a cafe.”

And this is the problem with the deal.  Rather than fill up one of the dozen storefronts on Valencia or Mission with a business, we have incentivized businesses to plant 12-foot trucks in the middle of a park that is already pressed for space.  Even if Blue Bottle or La Cocina had to get a Dolores location, the storefront on the corner of 18th and Dolores next to Bi-Rite Cremery is up for rent.  Rec & Park should have recognized that if they were going to whore out one of our national treasures, they should have at least demanded more money per month than what I pay in rent.

Given all this, I recognize booting the trucks out of Dolores Park is an unwinnable war.  The contracts are in place, the permits have been drawn up and the trucks have been built.  Short of Chicken John taking a liter of gas and a match to the trucks, they'll be in The Park later this fall.  But kicking them out is not a war worth pursuing: it would be unfair to for these two groups, who are largely innocent in the whole ordeal, to eat the cost of the city's blunder.  Instead, Rec & Park should realize this was a grave mistake and when the permits are up in two years, not renew them and have Rec & Park head Phil Ginsburg assure us that this will never happen again.

Dolores Park Cafe, Faye's, and Chicken John (the self-appointed spokesman for the anti-American Apparel camp in 2009) have come out in force against Blue Bottle in Dolores Park, promoting a petition calling for Rec & Park to “stop commercialization of Dolores Park.”  When I first saw the petition last weekend, I figured it was going nowhere thanks to the absurd language used:

To: Recreation and Park Commission of San Francisco, Mayor of San Francisco

McDonald's in Dolores Park?

Why not? Blue Bottle Coffee is a national chain store, and they are in the queue to get a permit to open a “push cart” in OUR Park. Who knows what’s next… (link)

Of course, it is obvious there will never be a MickyDs in the middle of the park, but 883 people took the bait and signed the petition.  One Dolores St. crazy even signed thinking a McDonald's was actually being built:

It is unbelivable to think of having McDonald across from my house. It is not enough that we long term homeowners who pay tax, are bothered with your party permit WITHOUT THINKING OF US. NOW MCDONALD!!~

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to the idea of having non-commercial, advertisement-free green spaces in the city, but is propagating the fictitious threat of Dollar Menu-pushing terrorists roaming around our park really the way to go about it?

Image used with permission via Peter Merts

This weekend kicks-off San Francisco's version of Shakespeare in the Park, but made creepier and criminal by the We Players production of Hamlet on Alcatraz. Starting this Friday, October 8th and running each weekend through November 21st, Hamlet, directed by Michael Bay Ava Roy promises to fully inhabit “The Rock.”

I haven't been this siked about Alcatraz since Nicolas Cage saved San Francisco from VX gas warheads back in 1996. The site-specific performance takes 4 hours to run around 1.5 miles of the island watching Hamlet be a big pussy struggle with killing Claudius in order to revenge his father's death. Yes, the performance actually takes place in multiple locations on the island while the audience follows the cast from scene to scene. Some of the locations visited in the performance are not accessible to regular island visitors, so make sure you take this rare opportunity and go see this performance by November 21st. 

If FUNds are an issue for you, Hamlet on Alcatraz is offered free of charge, as they do not turn anyone away for lack of cash. However, since extreme amounts of materials and resources have been used to produce Hamlet, We Players is suggesting a donation of $60-$80 per ticket to help cover expenses. The student/senior/limited funds suggested donation is $40 per ticket.

Can't wait to see Ophelia jump off the Island and into the Bay! Err, unless she has a Sassy Gay Friend to stop her…

I was pretty surprised by Gascon's casting list for his latest promotional video for his so-called “civil sidewalks” proposition.  I had expected it to be a bunch of geezers having a good cry about homelessness, but was instead surprised he managed to rally a few scenesters to take up the cause.  Some of my favorites included the owner of FTC Skateshop, who complained about civility on the streets with a backdrop of skateboards and “I <3 Haters” hats, which is particularly ironic because skateboarding is all about breaking laws and not being civil in public. Another “Mission Resident,” chilling at the 22nd St. parklett where people sit and lie nearly 24/7, was also opposed.

“Oh noes, homeless people aren't buying my beauty supplies.”

However, the real highlight of this three minute short is the empty-framed, sailor-tatted Megan Schnider, who starts going on about people with “like, chickens running around.”  I'm seriously waiting for the memenets to discover this one and autotune the shit out of it.  Think of the potential people!  An autotuned ditzy voice, psychedelic techno beats, animated gifs of dancing chickens and random sounds of clucking thrown in for good measure.  It'd be like hatebeak, only much funnier.