Because the San Francisco rental market is the fucking worst, one would-be mobile slumlord is hawking her sleeper van on Airbnb.
That's right, for just $520 a month (or $92 a night, if that's your sort of thing), you can call this cozy, street-level, rockin' one bedroom/personal Google shuttle your home. Of course, there is no kitchen, closet, on-site parking, or place to crap (at least, legally)--and we're sure utilities will run a pretty penny--but it is only a third the cost of the city's immobile parking space-sized apartments. So, you know, there's that.
Page describes her Stab City by the Bay home as such:
I have a 1990 Chevy Conversion van with only 45,000 miles. She runs great and has a cozy queen size van bed in the back and three captain's chairs, including the driver's. It has a clean record and gets pretty good gas mileage for a van.
The photos are verified by Airbnb.com, so you know the joke isn't on them, only us.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
I do feel a little bad for picking on the Dodgers, with their getting swept by the Giants, backsliding into last place and what not. Plus, I'm pretty certain they didn't win the World Series last year. Alas, this wonderful old man's getup is truly spectacular.
(And here's the view from the back:)
[via Last Renaissance]
Previously on Uptown Almanac
Everyone in San Francisco knows Chipotle is the worst. They took the Mission Burrito, dumbed it down to a Mission-inspired burrito, and then made it acceptable to the flavor palette of New Englanders. Now Chipotle's founder is richer than God, and credits his success to Colorado and his generous father.
This doesn't sit well with San Francisco's burrito lineage, who played an untold role in building the 11 billion dollar company. Casey Deeha of the Bay Area Review of Burritos (a must read for anyone remotely interested in foil-wrapped tube food, by the way) caught up with El Faro's Hugo Ontiveros, the son of Mission-style burrito forefather Febronio Ontiveros, for some background on the matter:
If you navigate your way to the 'Chipotle Story' tab on their website, you'll find three sections: 'The Chipotle Story', 'Where Did We Come From', and 'Steve's Story'. Clicking on any one of them will reveal anything from neat little animations showing the beginnings of the chain to a piece of lined school paper on which Steve Ells writes a first hand account of his humble story - in courier type font no less. In all instances, Steve Ells and Chipotlesauraus begins in Colorado when Steve used an $85,000 investment from his father to convert a Madison ice cream parlour into a taqueria. And this is true - he did begin in Colorado. However, "beginnings" are never as straight forward as one thinks and Ells' pre-beginnings place him in San Francisco, where according to Hugo, he frequented the taquerias of the Mission while working as a line chef at Stars in the Civic Center shortly after attending the Culinary Institute of America in New York. Hugo went on to explain that there is no doubt that Ells often visited the taquerias of the Mission, including El Faro, to not only enjoy the burritos, but also to "study" the methods says Ontiveros. Hugo, of course, is not alone in making this suggestion. David A. Kaplan from CNN writes, "Ells loved the little taquerías in the Mission District and decided to open one back in Colorado, where he'd grown up." Ells himself, in an interview with Jessica Shambora with CNN Money, stated:
"One day, while sitting in a taqueria called Zona Rosa close to my house, I watched how the line crew took care of people in very short order. I took out a napkin and jotted down what I thought the average check was and how many people were going through the line, and I timed it. I thought, Wow, this thing makes a lot of money -- it could be a little cash cow that could fund my real restaurant. My dad gave me $85,000 -- part loan, part equity. I packed up within a couple of weeks and drove back to Colorado. It was the summer of 1992. The first Chipotle opened in Denver on July 13, 1993."
While Zona Rosa, as we all know, is on Haight St. and not the Mission, Ontiveros goes on to say that Ells frequented many taquerias in the Mission with the same purpose in mind. Ontiveros goes on to point out that, 'there was no competition in Colorado' as far as quality taquerias were concerned, which propelled Chipotle to quickly gain the revenue to attract investors such as McDonalds and then rule the mexican fast food chain world.
The resentment doesn't stem from Ells' lifting of El Faro's "classic" burrito-building methodology, according to Deeha. Instead, the absence of any mention of the Mission in 'Chipotle's Story' is what really bothers Ontiveros.
Meanwhile, on Cinco de Mayo, Chipotle was found on Market Street in the Castro, "bribing" passersby with brownbags of chips and guacamole in exchange for signing a petition in support of bringing the restaurant even closer to its ancestral home.
[BARB, and also check out their review of the Chipotle on Lakeshore Ave. in Oakland]
Previously on Uptown Almanac
After much hype from the neighborhood's anti-capitalist sect, I expected the so-called anti-gentrification block party to be somewhat of a show. Instead, all that could be found around 2:30 in the afternoon were roughly 30-40 people surrounding an open-mic, a dozen or so taking advantage of the free food situation, about a million cops stationed around the neighborhood, and no visible smashings of the Google Bus piñata. The scent of sage was strong, but the revolution was falling short.
Eventually, the victims did string up the piñata to a makeshift fishing pole and beat it mercilessly. But all that fell out was anticlimax, as soon after SFPD rolled in and busted up the party.
Anyway, I was really hoping someone would Vine this, but this twit pic will have to do.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
The first non-West Coast missed connection, from my hometown of Grand Rapids, MI.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
Good thing someone put that there because I really had to go and was all freaked out that I might have to walk 2 additional blocks to my house.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
I know I've sung praises of Justin Hager's work in the past, but his latest round of pop pun sketches have been the best thing on my Instagram feed for the last week or so. And if you demand a real world inspection of his talents, you can catch the tail-end of his show at Benny Gold this weekend.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
Michael Morgan's "Sketchball" comic is only a few games into the A's season, but the results thus far as been promising. Here's what he had to say about the portrait above:
If there is one thing that fans on both sides of the Bay can agree on, it’s that Crazy Legs Howard is the best concessioner in the world!
No doubt. (And if you haven't seen Crazy Legs dance at a Giants/A's/SF Bulls game before, behold the glory of a 69-year-old rad dude working the crowd:)
In "17 Reasons Why You Should Never Trust An Anarchist" news, we feel obligated to post an update and partial retraction of our previous story on the 17 Reasons Building.
A few days after we published, an artist in the building sent us this note:
I have a studio in the building above thrift town...
the building did sell. they did change the locks, though most everyone got new keys. the people circulating that letter were living in the space as well...which is against the lease, and I believe that is why they are being evicted. I don't have any info on what the future will bring but just giving you some more info...
This, of course, directly contradicts the story we were told by other tenants, never mind the fairly incendiary tone of the letter anonymously circulated around the neighborhood. Fortunately, the building's new owner wrote to us today to clear up the situation:
Open letter to the Mission and San Francisco from the owner of 2102 Mission Street
Neighbors:
I’m Rick Holman. I am a fifth-generation San Franciscan and I have recently purchased the Redlick Building at 2101-2125 Mission Street (you may know it as the 17 Reasons Building.). We’re pleased to own this well-known San Francisco building. We plan to maintain it as it is: bustling with unique, San Francisco and Mission-oriented businesses. However, I’ve been distressed by some rumors that are being spread. I’d like to set the record straight.
We have no intention to tear down the building, convert the building to lofts or condos, or otherwise change its fundamental character or use. Some have pointed to the soils testing currently underway as evidence that we’re about to convert the building to condos. The soil is being tested to better understand the Building’s significant seismic issues. We intend to address the issues once we fully understand them. We want the tenants and visitors to be safe when they’re in the Building. Also, there is no intention to build an underground parking structure. The Building sits on Mission Creek, making the construction of an underground parking garage at the site nearly impossible.
Let’s be clear: we didn’t buy the Redlick Building to leave it completely alone – that would be a disservice to our tenants. We are making positive changes. The Building was porous; there were many ways for unwelcome visitors to get inside. Locks and doors didn’t close correctly, and the parking lot gate was broken and would not close. So the faulty door has been fixed. The numerous broken locks have been replaced with locks that are the same as the ones on the Mission Street doors. We have distributed more than 70 new keys to our tenants, free of charge. The Building now has security personnel in the Building to discourage the unwelcome visitors. We’ve replaced over 100 burned-out lights in stairwells and hallways, cleaned the storefront windows and cleaned out drains. We have started the process of investing a significant amount of money in improving the Building elevators and HVAC system – money we want to spend to make this Building better.
We have heard we replaced the management of the Building. T and Aldo are still here, and Julio has joined the management crew. I am also here almost every day. There are now twice as many people in the Building to assist the tenants combining the old with new energy.
There are rumors that we are planning to evict all of our tenants. This is completely untrue. Let’s be clear: I have indeed initiated one eviction, for a group of people illegally occupying one of the units. (This is the first eviction process I have ever engaged in, by the way.) But we are already in conversation or negotiation with many of the other tenants regarding the extension of their leases and tenancies. The ground floor retail tenants, Thrift Town, Fabric Outlet and A&A Bargains, are important Mission District businesses. We hope that they remain tenants here for many years to come.
I regret that some have chosen to spread unfounded rumors about the future of the Redlick Building. However, we’re confident that the changes we’re making will provide a better, safer, and more positive experience for our tenants and visitors.
Thank you for taking the time to read this note.
Rick Holman
Mission Street SF LLC
So there it is, a ITW is being evicted for living in their office some nebulous, undisclosed reason, and the building isn't going to be razed as they claimed. Good news all around!
(And, for what it's worth, I apologize for taking them seriously. I had felt the letter was very drastic and paranoid sounding, but the tenant I spoke to the longest seemed very calm, collected, and honest. Despite my attempts to reach out to other organizations in the building to verify the claims, I failed to successful reach anyone and decided to publish the story anyway. That was a mistake, which I regret. I will do better next time.)
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