Uptown Almanac

While I have never participated in this particular brand of tricycle race, history indicates that you'll probably see me bleeding from the knees.  5pm!  See yall there!

I'm not really sure what this has to do with the post, but I was itching to somehow incorporate R. Kelly into the topic. (via D. Chappelle)

GGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

I have such a raging boner for democracy right now.  That's right, the planning commission slapped the shit out of some Bernal hookers and blessed us with the gift of shitty hot dogs. From Mission Loc@l:

Despite complaints from neighbors, the San Francisco Planning Commission voted 4-2 to allow an independently-owned 76 gas station to become a 7-Eleven.

The only condition imposed is that the convenience store on the corner of 30th and Mission Streets close down from 1 a.m. to 5 a.m., to discourage business from late-night bar patrons. Currently the gas station’s convenience store is open 24 hours.

Ultimately, I think it's ludicrous that some whiny grandmas are forcing a business to close when I most need sugar and electrolytes, but it's still one small step for corporate America.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• NIMBY Watch: Keeping 7-Eleven out of the Mission
• 7-Eleven NIMBY Responds

This how those players do it in the western bay, shouts to Bayview liquors

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Listen Bitch, I'm going to put you up on some fucking game right now.

This news is a little stale, but Inside Scoop reports that Humphry Slocombe is opening a second location on 20th and Florida.  PEOPLE, THAT'S TWO TIMES THE SEMI-NAKED CRAZY WOMEN IN THE MISSION.  But check it, they are calling the new venture "The Parlour by Humphry Slocombe," which just reminds me of aggrandizing fashion bands like "Marc by Marc Jacobs," but let's move on.  The new venture will be both a cafe and ice cream parlor:

The sequel to Humphry Slocombe will be called “The Parlour by Humphry Slocombe.” Unlike the original, it will be a bakery and cafe, though there will be plenty of ice cream too (naturally!). Jake Godby will be doing modern interpretations of American classics — think: the Duck Fat Pecan Pie — and it will be open throughout the day, early and late. Beverages will encompass everything from coffee to beer to wine.

Anyway, I think it was a smashing idea to get a beer and wine permit because I'd have to be REAL DRUNK to eat "Duck Fat Pecan Pie" or whatever pastry they decide to flavor balsamic vinaigrette.  Can't wait!

(More details at Inside Scoop)

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• This Shit Making Fun of Humphry Slocombe is Funny
• Humorless Business Nubs at Humphry Slocombe Still Blocking People For Following Jasper Slobrushe on Twitter