Ridiculous Tech Terrarium Seeks Broke Beauties to Star in Lifestyle Brand Vid

NEMA is a lifestyle brand masquerading as an apartment complex.  Conveniently situated beside Twitter and Square HQs, the brand's terrarium of innovation is plastered in fauxghtleader slogans like “tech savvy, not shabby,” “innovate, don't imitate,” and “amenities, not enemies.”

But NEMA—a visionary neologism for “New Market”—knows not to throw up some glorified motivational posters and call it a killer launch.  NEMA has been rolling out a series of lifestyle videos of what it means to be “NEMA.”  The first attempt, embedded above, is enough to make vomit crawl up the throat of a normal human, but plays well to people who maintain Instagram accounts consisting of small dog and cupcake photos.

Now NEMA is “casting lifestyle models for a promotional video shoot for a San Francisco luxury high rise building,” and they have specific demands as to what it takes to look the part:

(Lead) upscale, classy, chic, sexy, urban, stylish and clean; classic look, no visible tattoos or piercings; will bring about 3 changes of wardrobe in neutral and warm colors (beige, taupe, brown, sagey green or blue or black and white); think Banana Republic or JCrew (with maybe a bit of higher fashion); chilly, so sweaters, leather jackets, suede, cool shoes all welcome. Note: Women will be required to do their own hair and makeup.

Models, you need to look like you live full time in a 4 star luxury resort-like high-rise.
We will create scenes in which you will be walking through a lobby, speaking with a concierge, talking on a cell phone, interacting with an iPad or laptop, laughing and talking with a friend, reading a newspaper, sipping coffee, riding an elevator, playing billiards, working out in gym, sitting by fire pit, (one of you) diving into pool.

The gig pays $50 a day, getting you well on your way to affording the $2,300 starting price for a studio.

[via The Tens, via SFist Comments]

Comments (11)

this town has looked like one big J Crew/Banana Republic ad since the the first dotcom boom

As someone who’s stuck walking passed it every day from Civic Center Bart, I can assure you all that it is one hideous building before you even consider the lemmings you’ll be living next to. The wind down that way is also unbelievable at times. Women will be required to do their hair at the house and when they get to their destination if they’re planning on living in that behemouth thing.

why do we care again?

I have to give them credit for being able to take that many photos in that area without one homeless person or walking wounded. Then again, they probably just photo-shopped them out. Not sure that will work in real life (maybe with Google Glass you can just make all the things you see on the street disappear…that would be cool, heh). But all in all, I like the idea of housing all of the 20 something lemmings in huge storage units in an area where pretty much no one lives. Then the bro’s can drag their suitcases of beer to some communal roof deck and be completely out of sight.

“But all in all, I like the idea of housing all of the 20 something lemmings in huge storage units in an area where pretty much no one lives. Then the bro’s can drag their suitcases of beer to some communal roof deck and be completely out of sight.”

This.

Unfortunately, I don’t think the Valencia glamour will die off any time soon. But these ridiculous units are a start. After all, who WOULDN’T want to live 2 blocks from their office? For the stylish “company-logo tee by day / ill-fitting Banana Republic button-down by night” type, I think the answer is clear: NEMA

I cracked myself up the other day when I saw that their website was rentnema.com

Remember, new housing is BAD, as long as I can say I was in this town first. Who cares if I force out some families and turn their neighborhood into a hipster toilet with lame bars? Who cares if I’m actually part of the problem?? The single most important issue this week is I hate NEMA because it doesn’t align with what I have murkily defined as “cool.” Case closed…

Some enterprising young smartians on the twitters has come up with this brilliant parody account illuminating what these guys are all about:

https://twitter.com/rentenema

Wait, I’m confused. Ummmmm none of those locations are even on Market street.

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